Finally Out Of Energy …

#FirstCoffeeThoughts

The exhaustion I mentioned yesterday stems from something I have been dealing with most of my life; this idea that the reality I live in is drastically different from everyone else.

As child this presented itself in the form of gaslighting from my family, as a pre-teen and teenager in middle school this was mostly caused by reality based thinking, synesthesia, neurodivergency, and a focus on philosophy, as an adult it looks like stoicism, regulation, and logic.

I learned by 8th and 9th grade that I wasn’t imagining the concept of separate realities and I really began a focused study on what that really meant for me and everyone else.

I came to realize as a freshman in high school, that those realties were based on mental health status, lived realities, gender and class expectations, racial identity, and education level.

Everyone was different for valid and understandable reasons but ultimately these subjective realities kept everyone isolated.

These days we understand subjective reality much better and it’s expressed simpler.

Members of the #GlobalMajority, for example, have a DRASTICALLY different reality from non-members. Black people have a VERY different reality and language to express it than white people. Men have a hugely different reality from women.

Children have a COMPLETELY different reality from adults. Teenagers have a MAJORLY different reality, and also their own language to express it, from most everyone else.

Most of my life I never knew anyone who experienced subjective realities in the same way I did.

I didn’t meet other synesthetes until the late 90s – early 2000s and I didn’t meet any neurodivergent people until the Internet became a thing. I have never physically met other stoics except on Discord in our philosophy and life groups … etc.

For me, most of my life, I was the only person I knew of that felt there was just something really off, different, frustrating about the world.

I don’t think anyone really experienced how I experience the world most of my life until recently where there was this global realization for a lot of people that the people they thought they knew or the world they thought they lived in was VERY DIFFERENT from the truth.

I don’t think anyone really experienced how I experience the world until people realized that a huge percentage of people they know are brainwashed, in religious cults, are hateful, broken, and completely insane.

I noticed a lot of people were lost, confused, disheartened and in a state of shock about the truth of the world – and everyone else’s realities – and being unsure how to navigate it.

Nothing really changed on my end except I kind of looked out at people’s shock and awe and wondered what kind of black and white reality they had been living in this whole time.

I didn’t have a choice about seeing the world clearly and experiencing it in glaring, brutal, technicolor as early as 9 years old.

It’s hard being the only person wearing the “They Live” sunglasses and fighting people to the death to try to get them to put on their own pair for 50+ years.

August 17, 2024·First Coffee Thoughts

Realism ≠ Pessimism

The truth doesn't set you free, it only imprisons you in a new reality that completely obliterates the one you were hiding within before.

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Now that cults of broken, angry, misogynistic, rapey white men, religious fanatics, racists, pedophiles and psychopaths are in the highest seats of power and no one can do anything to stop them, there is a collective and nonsensical “How can this be?” that still seems to exist alongside the truth.

Watching George Floyd get murdered in real time didn’t seem to be enough of a wake up call for some people.

Reading the Epstein files also didn’t seem to be enough of a wake up call.

The Nazi salutes on live TV doesn’t seem to be enough.

The open psychopathy of the 1% who eat children, sell and rape them, lie about everything, and clearly enjoy killing millions daily STILL doesn’t seem to wake people up to reality.

The overall response is still 𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙞𝙖𝙡, 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚.

I grew up in a prison of all three of those things: 𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙞𝙖𝙡, 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚.

I grew up with people who were willing to lie, beat, whip, gaslight and disown their children to keep from having to see truth and take responsibility for their own failures as people.

Denial, silence, and mindless rage doesn’t change anything.

It doesn’t solve problems.
It doesn’t create opportunities for communication, learning, sharing, or evolving.

All it does it make things WORSE for everyone.

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮.

So much so that healthy, literate, regulated people are considered anomalies or, at worse, things to try and discredit or destroy.

Truthseekers, truthtellers, creatives … those who channel and bring the hidden realities of others into a worldwide view have always been hated and seen as a threat to those who want to live only in blissful denial or madness.

People who are FREE in mind and soul have always been a threat to those who are not …

Since I was 9 I have lived in reality and not just my own.

I have been unable to deny things, to stay silent, to even feel something as dysregulated as mindless rage.

𝘼𝙨 𝙖 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙞𝙘, 𝙖 𝙥𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙤𝙥𝙝𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩, 𝙖 𝙥𝙨𝙮𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩, 𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚, 𝙛𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡, 𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡, 𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙣𝙚𝙪𝙧𝙤𝙙𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙨𝙮𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙥𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙖 … it has been difficult and absolutely nightmarish trying to navigate the world while 99% of the population exists in their own small, self contained and limited simulations.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨/𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦; 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯.

𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙜𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙚 … 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦.

𝘠𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘺𝘴𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘭𝘰𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘓𝘐𝘝𝘌 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘓𝘌𝘈𝘙𝘕.

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴.

January 3, 2026·First Coffee Thoughts

Evolve In 2026

Stoics believed that anger and depression were caused by collisions of hope and reality and people being unable to recognize and reconcile their place in the universe and…

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𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘋𝘖 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦.

𝘋𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯.

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘤, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯, 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩, 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘥𝘰𝘮, 𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 … 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳, 𝘧𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘵𝘩, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥.

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯, 𝘷𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘭, 𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘥, 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩, 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘣𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘣𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘳, 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺.