Summary
No matter how strong you are in your logic, your reason, your regulation, you are ALONE in it. No one around you has what you have. Not 99% of the world.
#FirstCoffeeThoughts
One of the first truly clear lectures I gave back when I was still teaching communications was about how racism and control shows up clearly when it comes to how Black men and Black women are not allowed to express certain emotions in public spaces.
Anger obviously is the one that is the biggest problem. White people can be angry, frustrated, out of control in public and it’s fine … even in large groups its fine. But if even one Black person is angry in public …
Black people expressing their emotions is NOT something encouraged or allowed and is often punished or met with threats of violence.
Black people expressing themselves in any kind of negative way is usually met with immediate backlash and usually has serious consequences. Even Black joy is often met with attempts at control or punishment.
This is how the white minority attempts to coercively control the Global Majority, by pushing them into mental states of self-regulation and fear.
The expression of emotions – more accurately, the ALLOWED expression of emotions – is one of the most effective kinds of coercive control.
If you grew up in an abusive household, you’re very familiar with this concept.
When you can control how someone regulates their emotions or can force them to regulate themselves either consciously or subconsciously because of real or even imagined threats or violence, you have won … not just in that moment but for the rest of that person’s life.
Why have you won for that entire person’s life?
Because you teach them something that becomes engrained into who they are and how they behave and respond to stimulus and it never goes away.
It rewires them completely and they continue to pass along that brainwashing to their children and even strangers around them.
Think of how an entire generation responds to spilling something or breaking something?
Think of what triggers you have had as a child from your abusive parents …
‘ve written about the fact that most people didn’t recognize what was going on in this country because they don’t know or recognize the signs of being in an abusive relationship.
It is so easy for me to see oppression, control, manipulation, brainwashing, grooming etc because I grew up with evil people … I can see evil instantly. I can recognize the words, the behavior.
I feel it in my body because I was trained early … in this I am very thankful for what I learned.
My parents weren’t religious but Bible School was a free place to stick us during the summers so they could be rid of us all day and because they were working fulltime,
I learned about God and the Devil and Hell during summers in Bible School and about how I was a bad child because I spoke too much and didn’t listen enough. And I learned some actually rockin songs too! LOL
While I discovered stoicism young, I learned before that that anger was the first step on the road to Hell.
Anger isn’t an emotion I engage with because it’s a waste of energy.
Many people use anger and rage as fuel to propel them into action but I don’t need emotions to influence my decision to take, or not take, action … that’s what logic and reason is for.
For people who cannot lift a finger to stand up for what is right unless they are feeling dysregulated and otherwise out of control, that’s definitely a problem in my opinion.
Logic and reason more than enough.
We should learn how to label things better than just anger. Itโs kind of like the old saying, if the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If you only know how to be angry in one way, or to express distress, irritation, annoyance, sadness, depression as anger, then you canโt deal with these strong emotions in an appropriate and useful way.
Do because you have decided it is right to. Do because you have thought about, ruminated over, reasoned about, and then decided to.
Do because your heart, your mind, and your spirit are aligned in the path of doing. Do because to not is destructive to others.
Do not because you are on fire, do before the flames spread.
Do not because you see red, do long before the color has changed.
Do because that is your will and the design of the universe you are a part of.
All anger does is blind you and cause you to make reckless and selfish decisions.
All dysregulation does is cause splash damage on everyone around you because you are acting without consideration or forethought.
But y’all know this already … you know what stoicism says about anger and you know I’ve been a stoic for most of my life.
You don’t need rage to do the right thing or stand up for what is good and righteous. If you do then your motivations are off track and very selfish.
My father taking out all of his rage about the world on his kids was all the evidence I needed to understand that anger was the PROBLEM and not the SOLUTION.
Anger caused people to lose all sense of who they were or put them in touch with who they truly wanted to be.
From my father, to bullies on the playground, to dysregulated and psychopathic teenagers, to narcissistic and mentally ill bosses, to social media and where we are today.
๐ผ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ฝ๐๐๐๐.
I posted on CoSo back in 2023 about a journal entry I wrote around 1988.
I never added this post to my blog but I will for posterity.
I will share with you what this journal entry was because it’s relevant to what I am saying now.
๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ช๐ต.
๐๐บ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ. ๐๐บ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ. ๐๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ค๐ญ๐ข๐ด๐ด๐ฎ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ๐ด ๐ฅ๐ฐ.
๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ช๐ต. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ช๐ค๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ช๐ต. ๐๐ต’๐ด ๐ข ๐ฅ๐ณ๐ถ๐จ. ๐๐ต ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฎ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ณ ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆ๐ด. ๐๐ญ๐ญ ๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด, ๐จ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฆ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด. ๐๐ต’๐ด ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฆ๐น.
๐๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ด ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฏ.
๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐ช๐ต. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ข๐จ๐ฆ. ๐๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฐ๐ณ๐จ๐ข๐ด๐ฎ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ง๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ช๐ต’๐ด ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฎ ๐ข๐ญ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ต๐ค๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ช๐จ๐ฏ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ.
๐ ๐ด๐ข๐บ ๐ฐ๐ณ๐จ๐ข๐ด๐ฎ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ข ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ฆ. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ค๐ถ๐ณ๐ญ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ช๐จ๐ฏ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐บ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ณ๐บ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐บ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ฅ๐ญ๐บ.
๐๐ฉ๐บ ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ด๐ญ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ณ๐ถ๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ท๐ฆ?
๐๐ฉ๐บ ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ต๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด?
๐๐ฉ๐บ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ญ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ ๐ช๐ง ๐ช๐ต ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฏ’๐ต ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ? ๐๐ง ๐ช๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ด๐ฏ’๐ต ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฃ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ด๐ช๐ข. ๐๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฏ’๐ต ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฆ๐ญ๐บ ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ช๐ค๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ.
๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ณ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ข ๐ด๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ณ ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ณ๐ข๐ฃ๐ช๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ.
๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด … ๐ช๐ด๐ฏ’๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ช๐ต ๐ช๐ด? ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ค๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ค๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด?
๐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ต๐ค๐ฉ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต๐ด ๐ด๐ต๐ณ๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ค๐ณ๐ข๐ค๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ด๐ด๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ด ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฅ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ญ ๐ช๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ด.
๐๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ฆ. ๐๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ญ๐ข๐ค๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ, ๐ฌ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฎ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ.
๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ช๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ.
I was so close to dropping out of high school at this time. So close to dropping out of life completely.
A good friend encouraged me to keep going, to graduate. I barely did.
I barely managed that daily nightmare … that plague of people.
The wonderful thing about my life now is not only do I live with my best friends who all enjoy peace, quiet, and regulated people, but I don’t have to submit myself to other people’s anger and unmanaged mental illness.
I can stay offline, I can stay home, I can block people online, I can remove people from my life offline. I have freedom and choice about who I wish to surround myself with and for how long.
I’m not a prisoner of everyone else’s madness anymore like when I was growing up.
I am no longer forcibly subjected to emotionally and mentally dysregulated people who walk through the world ruining their own lives and the lives of others …
… but that doesn’t mean that those same people don’t have an impact on my life. They absolutely do whether I isolate myself from them or not.
Those people are the same people making and breaking laws, taking away rights, killing people who don’t agree with them, destroying this country for everyone including themselves.
No matter how strong you are in your logic, your reason, your regulation, you are ALONE in it.
No one around you has what you have. None of your neighbors, probably not your family, probably not your friends, and probably not 99% of the world.
You’re alone in your calm, in your ability to think critically, in your ability to protect your peace and strengthen your mind and that is the key component.
And if you don’t teach, call out, speak up, hold people accountable nothing changes.
Anger is not the way.
Fear is not the way.
Both of those emotions are 4000% why we are where we are right now.
If you don’t understand or believe that then you are absolutely contributing to the problem or are the problem outright.
Do better. Be better. Help people up.
Teach. Speak. THINK.
But above all stop forgiving evil. Stop giving evil people chances to remain, do, and spread evil. Stop giving in to fear and anger.
Hold everyone, including yourself, to a higher standard.
Surely every man will want to restrain any impulse towards anger when he realizes that it begins by inflicting harm, firstly, on himself!
In the case of those who give full rein to anger and consider it a proof of strength, who think the opportunity for revenge belongs among the great blessings of great fortune, do you not, then, want me to point out to them that a man who is the prisoner of his own anger, so far from being powerful, cannot even be called free?
Very many men manufacture complaints, either by suspecting what is untrue or by exaggerating the unimportant.
Anger often comes to us, but more often we come to it.
And so the best course is to treat the sickness as soon as it becomes apparent, at that time as well giving oneself the least freedom of speech and curbing emotion. Again, it is easy to detect oneโs passion, as soon as it arises: diseases have symptoms as their harbingers.
Just as the signs of storm and rain precede them, so there are certain messengers that herald anger, love, and all those tempests that batter the soul.
It is an advantage to know oneโs own illness and to destroy its strength before it has scope to grow.
Not all men are wounded in the same place; and so you ought to know what part of you is weak, so you can give it the most protection.
