Summary
We don't all have the same 24 hours in a day. People who say such things have no sense of their own privilege and don't understand the concept of people having different realities.
#FirstCoffeeThoughts
We don’t all have the same 24 hours in a day.
People who say such things have no sense of their own privilege and don’t understand the concept of people having different realities.
My 24 hours is in no way the same as someone else’s. My life is not the same as anyone else’s. The amount of leisure I have is not the same as anyone else’s. I have a ridiculous level of privilege to be able to have as much time as I do.
I didn’t always. I once worked myself to death.
I once worked multiple jobs. I started 2 businesses and ran them. I also worked FOR other people before that. I worked all day, every day, even on the weekend when I had my own business. I had NO time. I had very little free time. I had terrible health that only got worse.
A day may be 24 hours … but not everyone has the same day … the same TIME … the same reality.
1 hour for someone with chronic pain is COMPLETELY different from that same hour for someone healthy.
I think about this idea often when I talk about having an eating disorder and people say things like “How hard is it to make a sandwich …” and they have no IDEA what those questions mean to people who have different relationships to food.
How hard is it to make a sandwich? It’s fucking hard … FOR ME … based on my issues and my disorder and my relationship to food. Making a sandwich can actually create trauma for me. Yes, trauma …
I am not you. We don’t have the same reality.
1 hour for someone with chronic pain is COMPLETELY different from that same hour for someone healthy.
People have DIFFERENT REALITIES that they live in and not everything is the same across those different realities. Everything including words, concepts, memories, and understanding.
It is important to realize that you have NO CONCEPT of what anyone is going through that is not YOU. You can’t begin to understand what someone else’s reality is like unless you live in their head and their body all the time.
You can only LISTEN and try to understand what they describe their reality to be.
No one is like you. There may be some similarities, but they are not like you and you are not like them.
People aren’t you. They don’t all have your life, your privileges, your body, your mind, your health, your situation, your family, your upbringing, or your education.
It you then account for culture, religion, politics, social and economic status, then you have even MORE drastic differences in people’s realities.
If there is one sentence that perfectly encapsulates egotism, narcissism, lack of empathy, privilege, self-centering, lack of emotional awareness, selfishness, and even a leaning towards the spectrum of sociopathy … it’s: 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙩, 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙣’𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪?
You have no idea. Ever.
Recognize that and learn how to LISTEN.
“Just do x”, “All you have to do is y”, “It’s not hard to just z …”
These kinds of phrases … are not based in anyone else’s reality but your own.
I used to use these phrases all the time … and I came to realize that it was so selfish and self-focused and making assumptions that everyone was me or had the same understanding or capabilities or reality as me.
Nothing could have been further from the truth.
EVERYONE is different.
EVERY REALITY is different.
I have been noticing in the past few years … maybe the past 3 especially … there is this tone that a lot of social media creators have adapted that I call the “why don’t you just” kind of tone. This is usually about using guilt or shame against people. The “why don’t you just” comes from a place of high privilege and it makes a lot of assumptions as well.
Who are these people who have the ability to just go through life … “justing” … that have the time, the health, the financials, the reality … to “just” do whatever they want at any time.
Why don’t you just learn more than one language?
Why don’t you just go back to school?
Why don’t you just spend less and save more?
Why don’t you just eat better?
Why don’t you just ignore haters?
Why don’t you just exercise more?
Why don’t you just ….
I wonder who are these people who have the ability to just go through life … “justing” … that have the time, the health, the financials, the reality … to “just” do whatever they want at any time and then judge others for not being able to do the same things. (And I hate to say it but … a lot of these “why don’t you just”ers are white people … white men and especially white women …)
Why don’t you just quit your job?
Why don’t you just move?
Why don’t you just leave your husband?
Why don’t you just raise your kids better?
Why don’t you just …
It must be nice to live the kind of life where you can … just … anything.
I’d love that kind of life, that kind of body, that kind of job, that kind of health, that kind of brain, that kind of reality …
Must be amazing.
The other phrase that’s becoming popular too is: “What’s stopping you from …?”
I would love to ask these folks … what’s stopping them from living in other people’s realities? What’s stopping them from having understanding? What’s stopping them from recognizing their epic levels of entitlement? What’s stopping them from having empathy?
Why don’t they just stop being sociopaths?
Why don’t they just stop being evil, selfish, broken things?
𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘕𝘖 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘷𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘕𝘖 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬, 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦, 𝘰𝘳 𝘷𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦.
As I’ve said, I have a ton of privilege and support to be able to live the life I do … to have the time to put so much focus on understanding my health. I also didn’t have a choice because I was without insurance for many years and had terrible doctors for decades, I had to make the time to learn everything I could just to survive … but still … I don’t expect anyone to be able to do what I do … I share what I do, I share my knowledge, but everyone lives different realities and health IS a privilege.
TIME and MONEY are not available to every person in the same amounts. It’s not a matter of “just” anything … everyone has different lives, circumstances, pasts, struggles, brains, bodies … you name it, it’s different.
To expect anyone to “just” anything while standing inside of your own reality and privilege is beyond entitled and blind to the world outside of your own.
We live in a world that is crushing people in different ways every single day … many of us live in countries that are DESIGNED to crush the people living in them. People are trying to survive through all kinds of horrendous and unimaginable things and situations …
But of course, sure … people should just go find doctors that aren’t racist, fatist, misogynistic, ego filled ball sacks … they should know everything about their health … they should just understand everything about everything because you know … it’s all so simple, yeah? They should take time to learn a language or go back to school or go to the gym … or become vegans … or buy organic or pack up and move to a different country or just, you know … stop complaining and get their lives together because I did it why can’t they … right? Just do it … right?
Yeah … just fuck right off.
Just do that.
