Summary
No matter how strong you are in your logic, your reason, your regulation, you are ALONE in it. No one around you has what you have. Not 99% of the world.
#FirstCoffeeThoughts
One of the first truly clear lectures I gave back when I was still teaching communications was about how racism and control shows up clearly when it comes to how Black men and Black women are not allowed to express certain emotions in public spaces.
Anger obviously is the one that is the biggest problem. White people can be angry, frustrated, out of control in public and it’s fine … even in large groups its fine. But if even one Black person is angry in public …
Black people expressing their emotions is NOT something encouraged or allowed and is often punished or met with threats of violence.
Black people expressing themselves in any kind of negative way is usually met with immediate backlash and usually has serious consequences. Even Black joy is often met with attempts at control or punishment.
This is how the white minority attempts to coercively control the Global Majority, by pushing them into mental states of self-regulation and fear.
The expression of emotions – more accurately, the ALLOWED expression of emotions – is one of the most effective kinds of coercive control.
If you grew up in an abusive household, you’re very familiar with this concept.
When you can control how someone regulates their emotions or can force them to regulate themselves either consciously or subconsciously because of real or even imagined threats or violence, you have won … not just in that moment but for the rest of that person’s life.
Why have you won for that entire person’s life?
Because you teach them something that becomes engrained into who they are and how they behave and respond to stimulus and it never goes away.
It rewires them completely and they continue to pass along that brainwashing to their children and even strangers around them.
Think of how an entire generation responds to spilling something or breaking something?
Think of what triggers you have had as a child from your abusive parents …
‘ve written about the fact that most people didn’t recognize what was going on in this country because they don’t know or recognize the signs of being in an abusive relationship.
It is so easy for me to see oppression, control, manipulation, brainwashing, grooming etc because I grew up with evil people … I can see evil instantly. I can recognize the words, the behavior.
I feel it in my body because I was trained early … in this I am very thankful for what I learned.
My parents weren’t religious but Bible School was a free place to stick us during the summers so they could be rid of us all day and because they were working fulltime,
I learned about God and the Devil and Hell during summers in Bible School and about how I was a bad child because I spoke too much and didn’t listen enough.
And I learned some actually rockin songs too! LOL
While I discovered stoicism young, I learned before that that anger was the first step on the road to Hell.
Anger isn’t an emotion I engage with because it’s a waste of energy.
Many people use anger and rage as fuel to propel them into action but I don’t need emotions to influence my decision to take, or not take, action … that’s what logic and reason is for.
For people who cannot lift a finger to stand up for what is right unless they are feeling dysregulated and otherwise out of control, that’s definitely a problem in my opinion.
Logic and reason more than enough.
We should learn how to label things better than just anger. It’s kind of like the old saying, if the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If you only know how to be angry in one way, or to express distress, irritation, annoyance, sadness, depression as anger, then you can’t deal with these strong emotions in an appropriate and useful way.
Do because you have decided it is right to. Do because you have thought about, ruminated over, reasoned about, and then decided to.
Do because your heart, your mind, and your spirit are aligned in the path of doing. Do because to not is destructive to others.
Do not because you are on fire, do before the flames spread.
Do not because you see red, do long before the color has changed.
Do because that is your will and the design of the universe you are a part of.
All anger does is blind you and cause you to make reckless and selfish decisions.
All dysregulation does is cause splash damage on everyone around you because you are acting without consideration or forethought.
But y’all know this already … you know what stoicism says about anger and you know I’ve been a stoic for most of my life.
You don’t need rage to do the right thing or stand up for what is good and righteous. If you do then your motivations are off track and very selfish.
My father taking out all of his rage about the world on his kids was all the evidence I needed to understand that anger was the PROBLEM and not the SOLUTION.
Anger caused people to lose all sense of who they were or put them in touch with who they truly wanted to be.
From my father, to bullies on the playground, to dysregulated and psychopathic teenagers, to narcissistic and mentally ill bosses, to social media and where we are today.
𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙀𝙍 𝙄𝙎 𝙉𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝙊𝙇𝙐𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉 𝙏𝙊 𝙎𝙊𝙇𝙑𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙋𝙍𝙊𝘽𝙇𝙀𝙈𝙎.
I posted on CoSo back in 2023 about a journal entry I wrote around 1988.
I never added this post to my blog but I will for posterity.
I will share with you what this journal entry was because it’s relevant to what I am saying now.
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵.
𝘔𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘥. 𝘔𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘥. 𝘔𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘰.
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘨. 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴, 𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘹.
𝘐𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘯.
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘪𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦. 𝘛𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘴𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦.
𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘴𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥𝘭𝘺.
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦?
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴?
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥? 𝘐𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘢. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥.
𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬.
𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 … 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴? 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴?
𝘈 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘴.
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘥𝘦. 𝘛𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯.
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳.
I was so close to dropping out of high school at this time. So close to dropping out of life completely.
A good friend encouraged me to keep going, to graduate. I barely did.
I barely managed that daily nightmare … that plague of people.
The wonderful thing about my life now is not only do I live with my best friends who all enjoy peace, quiet, and regulated people, but I don’t have to submit myself to other people’s anger and unmanaged mental illness.
I can stay offline, I can stay home, I can block people online, I can remove people from my life offline. I have freedom and choice about who I wish to surround myself with and for how long.
I’m not a prisoner of everyone else’s madness anymore like when I was growing up.
I am no longer forcibly subjected to emotionally and mentally dysregulated people who walk through the world ruining their own lives and the lives of others …
… but that doesn’t mean that those same people don’t have an impact on my life. They absolutely do whether I isolate myself from them or not.
Those people are the same people making and breaking laws, taking away rights, killing people who don’t agree with them, destroying this country for everyone including themselves.
No matter how strong you are in your logic, your reason, your regulation, you are ALONE in it.
No one around you has what you have. None of your neighbors, probably not your family, probably not your friends, and probably not 99% of the world.
You’re alone in your calm, in your ability to think critically, in your ability to protect your peace and strengthen your mind and that is the key component.
And if you don’t teach, call out, speak up, hold people accountable nothing changes.
Anger is not the way.
Fear is not the way.
Both of those emotions are 4000% why we are where we are right now.
If you don’t understand or believe that then you are absolutely contributing to the problem or are the problem outright.
Do better. Be better. Help people up.
Teach. Speak. THINK.
But above all stop forgiving evil. Stop giving evil people chances to remain, do, and spread evil. Stop giving in to fear and anger.
Hold everyone, including yourself, to a higher standard.
Surely every man will want to restrain any impulse towards anger when he realizes that it begins by inflicting harm, firstly, on himself!
In the case of those who give full rein to anger and consider it a proof of strength, who think the opportunity for revenge belongs among the great blessings of great fortune, do you not, then, want me to point out to them that a man who is the prisoner of his own anger, so far from being powerful, cannot even be called free?
Very many men manufacture complaints, either by suspecting what is untrue or by exaggerating the unimportant.
Anger often comes to us, but more often we come to it.
And so the best course is to treat the sickness as soon as it becomes apparent, at that time as well giving oneself the least freedom of speech and curbing emotion. Again, it is easy to detect one’s passion, as soon as it arises: diseases have symptoms as their harbingers.
Just as the signs of storm and rain precede them, so there are certain messengers that herald anger, love, and all those tempests that batter the soul.
It is an advantage to know one’s own illness and to destroy its strength before it has scope to grow.
Not all men are wounded in the same place; and so you ought to know what part of you is weak, so you can give it the most protection.
