Selfness Will Save The World – Part 2

#FirstCoffeeThoughts

Contrary to popular belief I don’t believe that suffering is necessary for creating wisdom.

I didn’t gain wisdom, start reading books, embrace stoicism, or try to better myself as a child simply because of the abusive household I was in. I was already reading, I already had an interest in my own future beyond the Hell I was born into. I was always looking forward.

You don’t have to hit rock bottom to adopt different habits or ways of thinking for your own betterment.

There are all kinds of ways to become wiser including having good support, having good advisors, further education, LISTENING etc.

Suffering is not the only way to promote change. And yet I know a lot of people who will only change after they have suffered enough.

Many of these people are “everything happens for a reason” people too and that’s just not how the universe works.

People who use the “everything happens for a reason” line to explain needless suffering to themselves (and others) are often just using it as an excuse to justify being unwilling or unable to change.

We are all part of the universe. We live thanks to that grand mystery of Time and Space.

The universe isn’t trying to kill you specifically.
The universe, mathematically, is looking out for you.

It doesn’t always put you in places that are easy – in fact it rarely does – but it “ALWAYS puts you in places you can learn.”

Right place, right time. It just may not be obvious to you.

Many people suffer because of decisions they make or don’t make. They suffer because they think somehow they’re supposed to or that they should or worse, that they deserve to, and that’s just untrue.

This is where hansei and kaizen are helpful.

Hansei is:

1. Recognizing that there is a problem.
2. Reflection, introspection, and assuming your responsibility.
3. Identifying the origin of the difference between what you tried to achieve and the real outcome.
4. Committing yourself to a series of changes in order to improve (aka: kaizen).

I often come up against people who are delirious and desperate optimists who think that stoicism is bad and that stoics don’t feel enough and seem very negative.

Being realistic, being logical, using reason aren’t the opposite of being positive, a free spirit, or trusting your gut. In fact, logic and reason help your instincts become more ACCURATE and TRUSTWORTHY.

Stoicism isn’t about never being emotional and only being logical like many people think.

Stoicism is about using logic FIRST to ensure the emotions you are feeling are appropriate and/or necessary. It helps you refine your responses and conserve your energy for things that matter and not allowing yourself to get caught up in unnecessary things or emotional dysregulation that harms you and often others.

People who make decisions based on desperate optimism over logic tend to suffer more.

The universe may work in “mysterious ways” because we don’t understand everything there is, but it is also a whole hell of a lot of math, logic, and order within disorder (and vice versa).

Not evolving yourself into a healthy, functional person and choosing to ignore reason, logic, and responsibility in favor of delusional, magical, or delirious decision making, is just dodging accountability and performing a willful act of laziness.

Change is hard AF, but it’s not impossible.

I hate to see people I care about suffer or have their mental and spiritual health impacted by things that could be different if they just simply used more reason and logic in how they make decisions.

It’s especially frustrating when all they do is complain about how much they are suffering or how much they hate dealing with certain things or people … but then they refuse to do hansei and even consider that they are the ones responsible for their own suffering, not other people.

None of us chose to be born.

All of us were born into slavery. All of us were given names by someone else, were told what to do, what to eat, etc and had our minds and hearts changed in a variety of ways.

We had no real rights until much later in life and even then many people are still tied to their “masters” due to brainwashing and societal grooming.

People who have time to complaining loudly and comfortably about things that are within their power to change are simply not willing to take responsibility for their own choices.

There is so much getting in the way of people being healthy, regulated, productive, and kind to themselves and others. The main obstacle? OTHER PEOPLE that are unhealthy, dysregulated, lazy, and angry and who don’t have the time, willpower, support, or desire to change who they are.

I don’t blame myself for my childhood, but once I hit adulthood, handling my future decisions and past trauma became MY responsibility. People need to stop making excuses and start evolving not just for themselves but also for the betterment and salvation of the rest of humanity.

The cycle has to stop somewhere so it can start somewhere else.

True change starts with people taking responsibility for their actions and decisions and it ends with reason, logic, and selfness so people can be their best selves for others.