Read The Room

#FirstCoffeeThoughts

I skim other social media platforms and honestly is really like gazing into an entirely new ring of Hell.

I see pretty much the same kinds of things constantly; the same parrots, the same selfishness, the same naivete, the same madness.

What I see mainly are a lot of scared, angry, dysregulated people screaming into the void hoping to be heard, hoping that something will change, hoping they will feel better just by doing that.

I see a lot of “Read The Room”

I see people angry at those who AREN’T suffering … mainly this means celebrities that they sickly worship, resent, and are jealous of, that they can’t stop following or paying attention to for the same reasons I just mentioned.

I see people angry at those who ARE suffering … mainly because they selfishly feel that their circumstances are worse than everyone else’s around them and if they aren’t complaining, they think no one else should either.

So, yeah, like I said … madness.

It’s madness that comes from living in your own reality and either ignoring that other realities exist, hating that other realities exist, wishing everyone lived in your reality only, and just generally feeling like only your reality matters and everyone else needs to “read the room” and focus only on you and what you feel and what you believe and what you are experiencing.

I see entire platforms of people who behave in the same way they are being oppressed and they have learned NOTHING.

“Reading The Room” or Kuuki wo yomu (空気を読む) is basically being able to read the atmosphere in any situation.

Japan is a high-context and indirect communication society, so being able to assess quickly the mood, “take a hint”, and especially be aware of non-verbal cues is vital for survival socially and also in business relations.

In the U.S. “read the room” doesn’t mean the same thing.

It doesn’t truly take into account the feelings of others, only the person asking you to “read”.

“Why don’t you feel the way I feel?”, “Why aren’t you suffering the way I am?”, “Why are you handling things better than I am?”, “Why are you not falling apart like I am?”, “Why are you able to feel things I cannot?”, “Why do you have support and I don’t?”, “Why do you make more money than I do?”, “Why are you still employed and I am not?”, “Why did you choose to have kids?”, “Why did you choose to get married?”, “Why did you buy the expensive car that I can’t afford?”

𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙢𝙚?

It is similar to the guy I saw posting earlier in the year that he couldn’t understand why no one was freaking out about what was happening in the world and that he didn’t trust anyone who could be calm or wasn’t in a panic …

… which is literally the opposite of what should be happening but I already wrote an essay on this …

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙤 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 “𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢” 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙜𝙣𝙞𝙯𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙖𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪.

You are the only person who lives in YOUR reality. You are alone in it. No matter how much you have in common with others, no one is you and no one has your lived experience.

There can be similarities, there can be common ground, but your reality is SPECIFIC to your experiences within it.

This truth makes people feel alone and they go out onto social media or out into the world desperately seeking someone to share their reality with … to have someone who understands them in such a deep way that they no longer feel alone in their own reality.

Or they simply abandon themselves completely (in the case of many marriages) and become part of someone else’s reality and give up all connection to who they are … all in service to loneliness and fear, not strength and independence.

But this is also truth: 𝙏𝙬𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙣𝙚.

Two unique perspectives and experiences. Two unique paths of decision making. Two unique outlooks on the same problem etc.

The more lived experiences you have “in the room”, the more likely all those experiences, knowledge, mistakes, successes, etc can lead to beneficial solutions for EVERYONE.

The problem is people are too selfish or afraid to share who they are, reveal their truths, and work together.

The first step in successfully solving any problem is understanding everyone’s unique realities and experiences.

No one can be truly in the same room together until you open all those individual doors, throw open all those individual windows, and start breathing the same air, recognizing the same sky, and seeing each other for who they uniquely are.

You’re not the same, but you’re not so completely different either.

Recognizing everyone’s truth is how you find real solutions and real healing.