No Thank You

#FirstCoffeeThoughts

On my Discord I have quite a diverse community of friends and a lot of them are members of the Global Majority in some way, shape, or form and a lot of the conversations we have are about how we absolutely do not want to be a part of the “communities” that we are technically supposed to be finding support in.

Marginalized communities have become, in a lot of ways, like unhinged fandoms; full of unwell people who need more therapy and less “community” to be honest.

That is not to say that community can’t be therapeutic … but it is not a replacement for getting professional help of some kind when you have clinical problems and mental health issues that are reinforced, or worse, fed by the members of your “support community”.

Being surrounded by other angry, lost, unsupported, lonely, mentally and emotionally struggling people is not always the best environment for other angry, lost, unsupported, lonely, mentally and emotionally struggling people.

Communities of angry, lost, unsupported, lonely, mentally and emotionally struggling people are not always the best places to find help and support. In some cases it can exacerbate problems, or worse, manipulate and control those people with problems, and also can be a source of even further trauma.

There are all kinds of communities for marginalized persons, just like there are all kinds of social media networks.

One LGBTQ+ community in one area isn’t going to be the same as another in another area. One Black community online isn’t going to be the same as another Black community somewhere else. One deaf community isn’t the same as another deaf community etc

Why?

Because not every LGBTQ+ person, Black person, disabled person, neurodivergent person etc share a collective experience.

But oddly, much like the “normative” views the importance of blood family above all else including toxicity, abuse, and neglect … so many members of Global Majority also revere “community”.

Some communities ARE supportive.

Some communities go beyond just being spaces of acceptance and support and are absolutely crucial in SAVING LIVES.

But some communities, especially when you start thinking more on a “global’ scale, are going several steps further and become quasi-militant, dangerously misdirected, infiltrated with bad actors, or even can shift to the complete opposite of what they were intended to be, including having a whole different worldview than it’s own members.

I’m not interested in being a part of any community that dictates my existence solely on the very factors that supposedly would allow me to be a member of said community. I am not solely anything that would even fit into a community criteria.

For example: The Black community has very specific rules of what constitutes “acceptable levels of Blackness” to get your “Black Card”. Your skin color has to define your life, motivations, attitude, associations, activities etc …

I’m not interested in any community that has rules on how I should define myself to fit THEM.

Communities, like family, share a similar mindset/motto: You’re either with us or against us.

Marginalized communities are more likely to “other” their own members than any other communities.

Ever notice how white people never cease being white? Even when they adopt or use mannerisms, speech, and styles of other marginalized groups.

But people can become not Black, Asian, autistic, or disabled enough or whatever nonsense simply because of less perceived struggle by their own community.

What does that tell you about community? It should tell you all you need to know.

All communities have fringe elements and sometimes questionable members that kind of drag things into the toilet.

We all have “that family member” or “that friend” or that “member of our community” who unfortunately has ideas or behaviors or whatever that cause everything to have a cloud over it where you absolutely do not want that person representing the entire group.

Popular culture has the phrase “we don’t claim them” but it’s basically the same idea: Look … they don’t represent US.

To me there is LITTLE difference between marginalized communities and fandom.

When you get groups of people with the similar issues, overlapping mindsets, and the same loneliness, feelings of being outcasts, feelings of shame, guilt, or fear and you put them all into one space where all they do is spin wildly in force feedback loops … you get all kinds of problems.

Then comes judgements, generalized ideas, and weird expectations from the larger society outside looking in at it all.

It becomes even worse when members of said communities are in the spotlight … on television shows … speaking up for the “community” while pushing their own agendas and interests without giving any consideration to the wider community where there exist people with an entirely different perspective of life …

I’ll repeat this for those who missed this idea before:

𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙚𝙙 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙄𝙎 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚.

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE experiences life differently.

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has a different outlook on life.

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE wants different things from life.

People may have overlapping desires and and overlapping needs because of the hatred in the world from normative people … but that is not the end all be all for every person … and that doesn’t mean that “the struggle” is the same for every person who experiences “the struggle”.

It very much isn’t.

A lot of marginalized communities give the impression, and push the agenda, that all members feel the exact same way and want the same things and that is not always true.

Some people want peace, other people want revenge.

Some people are well adjusted, other people are maladjusted.

Some people want to blend in, other people want to stand out.

Some people want to be left alone, other people want everyone to be bothered.

Some people just want to be loved, other people want to be feared.

I am a part of no groups and no communities aside from my own tribe.

There is no group or community that exists that can properly and healthily represent my interests and needs as an individual.

There is no group or community that even cares about my interests and needs as an individual … because individuals cannot be part of communities.

Communities don’t want individuals. That is not how communities work AT ALL.

I would think that would be obvious.