When Black Men Need Help

Elaine @thewebrecluse

August 11 2023 10:40am

Was reading about DJ Akademiks going off in a rather unhinged, explicative-filled rant when someone rather innocently mentioned Erykah Badu to him the other day.

Something cracked open in him that he held for 5 years and all this absolutely foul stuff just started spilling out of him like some kind of volcano …

It was both fascinating and also triggering for me.

I’ve been on the end of PTSD related negativity so much in my life. The vomit of people’s problems and unresolved traumas always ends up splattered on me because something I say reminds them of something that have never addressed or resolved.

Those triggers are the landmines they have littered their psyche with for however many years because they don’t know how to deal with trauma, were in trauma denial, or in some cases didn’t even realize how badly they were traumatized.

But Queen … you can NEVER know how someone is going to process something. Careful? Even benign things can cause madness because people live in different realities.

I say this CONSTANTLY: You can NEVER understand people.

You can NEVER understand someone else’s reality that they live in. You can NEVER know the dictionary that people primarily rely on (and I don’t even mean non-Black people having no understanding of the nuances and meaning of AAVE) I mean everyday words that people have Preferred Connotations for.

You can NEVER know any of those things. Being “careful” has nothing to do with it.

DJ Akademiks is UNWELL.

He has probably been dealing with various levels and PTSD for most of his life and no one has ever thought to try and help him nor has he felt he needed help. He, like MANY people, bottles things up or tries to act strong or – more likely since he’s a Black man – is afraid of seeming vulnerable or weak when his feelings are hurt so he holds it in for 5 years until the mere mention of a woman’s name sends him into a spiral of anger.

He doesn’t need people to be more “careful”. He needs help.

And here’s the thing … if you watch the video from 5 years ago where the incident happened … (he got TROLLED bad) there is no indication that he was put out or upset about what was said … there was a kind of levity.

Who knows how long it took him to develop trauma from it?

Maybe because people kept reminding him of it? Maybe because he was hurt in the moment but was afraid to be honest about it? Who knows? Who can EVER know?

The fact is … 5 years of pain and hurt looks like a volcano erupting.

It’s so close to the surface for him that her NAME is an explosion … for everyone else they have to go and dig back into the archives from 5 years ago to even have an inkling what he is going off about …

HIS REALITY is very different from everyone else’s, even from those involved in the EXACT same incident. Even in one room everyone is experiencing a DIFFERENT REALITY. They hear, see, understand, and process COMPLETELY differently.

I repeat: You can NEVER understand people.

Erykah isn’t responsible for how he chose to NOT handle, NOT process, NOT deal with all of the factors that went into him not feeling comfortable enough, safe enough, or supported enough to speak the truth of his hurt that day because of how society and Black culture choose to make many men feel. She isn’t responsible for how that festered in his mind, body, and soul for 5 long years.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴. – Marcus Aurelius

If you have triggers … if you are triggered by things … you need help. You need support. You need structure. You need assistance in understanding how to best manage and balance things in your mind, body, and soul. You’re not broken. You don’t need to be “fixed”, you just need help, support, and better mental management. You need understanding. You need grace. You need a framework to help your brain and body process differently.

People being more “careful” isn’t going to do all that.

I get the impression that DJ Akademiks has spent the past 5 years surrounded by people who know better than to ever utter Erykah Badu’s name around him.

He’s been “supported” by people who walk on eggshells around him and probably warn everyone who meets him … “hey look, don’t ever bring up Erykah or Tom and Jerry around him …” or whatever false defense mechanisms he has in place.

He is NOT surrounded by people who make him feel supported and safe enough to be honest about his feelings.