On Accountability

#FirstCoffeeThoughts

One of the fastest blocks I ever did here on CoSo was someone who responded to one of my threads about looking at a negative situation that happened and seeing my level of fault in it (instead of blaming others) was “a kind of learned helplessness”.

Let me just make something clear for those that also seem to have no sense: Blaming others is not strength, playing the victim is not strength, getting angry is not strength, and accountability is FAR from weakness.

Getting riled up psychologically and emotionally over things that are 100% out of your control serves no purpose other than running you into an early grave and allowing outside powers to have mastery over you. You become enslaved to anger and all that does is further empower the things that are oppressing you.

I wrote other day about “genin wo mitsukeru” – getting to the root of the problem / finding the root cause – being part of hansei.

Think of hansei ultimately as a kind of apology.

𝘏𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘪 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘑𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦’𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘌𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩. 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 ‘𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵’ 𝘰𝘳 ‘𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵’.

𝘏𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘪 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨, ‘𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺?’

Han (反) means “change”,“to see something from a different perspective”, and Sei (省) means “to review”, “to examine yourself”.

It is accountability.

When things happen that we don’t like or expect, how we respond to them is ENTIRELY our own decision. To recognize if your dysregulation or victimization or centering is making a problem worse or larger than it needs to be is part of critical thinking, reason. and emotional intelligence … not helplessness.

Anger, depression, negativity, these emotions stem from collisions of hope and reality.

Irrational expectations placed upon events that you can’t control, misdirected emotions, choosing delusion, etc all of these things aren’t healthy and are mainly about refusing to accept responsibility in how you choose to handle what happens to you or how you see the world.

Once you resolve all collisions and see things for what they are, not how you wish they were, things change.

You change.

𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭 𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘴𝘰. 𝘐𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢.

There are very few things actually within your control and even some things that are can’t be changed solely by one person without support from others.

Your mind, your emotional choices, your understanding and your resilience ARE within your individual control.

“𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙤 𝙨𝙤” is the key phrase and that is mostly about fear, exhaustion, and laziness as a normal response to constant oppression.

Taking accountability, recognizing your own responsibility in interpreting events, seeing where your emotional dysregulation can lead to worse situations … all of that is genin wo mitsukeru and hansei which are active, not passive.

It is hard work; the work of a rational and STRONG human being.