Summary
When it comes to social media, it's not the TOOLS we use to communicate with, it's the people using the TOOLS and what they are using them for.
#FirstCoffeeThoughts
I’ve talked about this before but I woke up to so many abusive and gross comments on Instagram this morning, it really got me thinking about how rancid and toxic social media has become.
This is going to be quite long and I’ll try to break it up into parts and points for easier reading …
If you follow me on here you have probably read me talking about many of this points before so I apologize if it seems repetitive, but it’s just my thought process this morning.
Many of us live in countries that are designed around pitting people against one another, that groom us to believe that everything is a competition and everyone around us is either the enemy or someone who is out to take what we have.
Many of us live in countries that celebrate destruction and selfishness and belittle things like sensitivity and self-expression.
Many of us grew up in a system that puts certain races, genders, classes, skin colors, and cultures lower or higher than others.
Many of us grew up on abusive households and either recognize that and heal or remain brainwashed and broken by it, inflicting pain and judgement on others as we received it ourselves.
My point is that the problem isn’t social media specifically … it’s not the TOOLS we use to communicate with … it’s the people using the TOOLS and what they are using them for.
That phrase “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” comes to mind here …
Everyone uses social media differently and they get different things out of using it.
Some people use it to connect, others use it to share, and still others use it to abuse others.
Some people use social media in 1 direction, some in 2 directions, and some don’t use social media at all because they’re busy with their own lives and personal pursuits.
I think some have forgotten that social media isn’t a requirement for living life … life happens whether you post about it or not.
As I’ve mentioned often, I’ve been online since before the Internet was public … when it was very small and you really had to know someone or get invited to locations to find things etc … obviously the web and early social media and chat rooms were very different back then.
It wasn’t a popularity contest, but it was, at it’s core, all about connecting and sharing. I think that is still at the heart of the Internet despite it becoming a free for all for emotionally dysregulated abusers.
Social media has become, lately, all about shaming others.
It’s all about telling people they are doing things wrong. It doesn’t matter the subject, it’s all about shame.
Could be parenting, or just adulting, working, how people eat food, or just how they simply choose to live life. The worst is shaming people for how they feel or how they might be struggling or shaming them for the things they like or enjoy.
Social media has become the best tool for creating and perpetuating harm.
I spend 99% of my time in my own feed, my own space, sharing my interests, thoughts, beliefs, lessons, mistakes, trials, successes.
I use social media to kind of document my life for personal reasons and also so that I don’t become too isolated and withdrawn.
You will rarely find me in someone else’s feed unless I’m thanking them and expressing joy about something they have shared.
As I’ve stated before, what other people do is absolutely NONE OF MY BUSINESS unless I’m directly @-ed
There is this weird misconception that anything happening in a public space automatically means it’s ok to make it your business.
People are in public spaces all the time. Walking, eating, shopping, talking with friends etc. You may also be in the same space … does that mean that because that person is in a public space it’s ok to walk up to them and start yelling in their face, judging how they dress, or centering yourself in their conversations with others, or generally abusing them?
I’m not even sure where this idea came from and I’ve been online since the 90s.
When did being online mean automatically that everything you saw became your personal business?
Where did this idea that anything someone posted in their own space was ok to attack or that it was open season on that person’s entire life?
Was it when things shifted from personal spaces like websites and blogs to social media and public streams? But people run over to attack others on their personal blogs too.
This confuses me and maybe it’s only me that is confused. I’m not even sure of the logic involved.
It seems like this to me ….
It’s like you’re looking out of the window of YOUR house which looks out onto the street and the neighborhood where you live … and you see someone doing something in their own yard.
So you choose to leave your own home, walk over to their yard, and start making it your business to comment on whatever they are doing or expressing or wearing or thinking.
I just will never be able to wrap my mind around that idea.
Nothing I write on my feed is directed @ anyone specifically. I am mostly talking about my OWN life and sharing my thoughts which could be used by anyone who finds wisdom in them.
If you think I’m talking directly to you then that’s a projection of yours, that’s your ego, that’s your insecurity. I don’t even know you.
I’m talking in general terms and usually about my own issues.
If you’re triggered … ask yourself why.
If you feel the need to leave your house, walk over to someone’s yard, insert yourself into their personal space, their garden, and start centering yourself … why do you think that is ok or even normal?
What about your own sense of importance makes you feel the need to make someone else’s life experience all about you?
It’s literally none of your business unless they waved you over and shouted … “Hey come on over and get involved! We’d love to have you over and hear from you!”
Everyone uses social media differently.
Some people WANT unsolicited engagement. Some people purposely post inflammatory and controversial things because they’re HOPING someone gets triggered and wants to fight with them about it. Some people thrive on that stuff.
Some people use social media just to surf around to FIND THINGS to attack or insert themselves into because they have nothing of their own to share.
Some people want to meet and greet and learn.
Everyone
Is
Different
G+ had wonderful tools where you could turn off comments on your shares or only allow people in certain curated circles to post comments.
I thought that was one of the best features I’d ever seen. Tools that allowed you to be free in your own space and share yourself openly, but to limit the kind of engagement you received or turn off engagement completely.
And some people were like “Why would you want to do that?”
Some people wouldn’t follow you unless they were allowed to comment. Literally “I am not interested in your content UNLESS I am able to insert my personal opinion about it.” The level of ego and self-centeredness needed to assert that kind of attitude astounded me. People are truly mentally unwell.
Why does anyone do anything and why is that any of your business?
That’s like asking someone why they might go to a crowded cafe to sit and drink coffee and read instead of reading at home? Because everyone is different and has different needs and finds comfort in different things and it’s also NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Or asking why someone would communicate their trauma or struggles openly and not want people’s opinions about it. Because everyone communicates for different reasons and has different healing processes and it’s also NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
What is it in you that makes you think, believe, or behave in ways that imply that things that you see other people doing, saying, or engaging in is any of your business?
What is it in you that makes you feel a strong urge to center yourself in other people’s lives and business as if your observations and opinion are the default, norm, or ideal for everyone?
You do have your own platform, space, and feed – instead of invading others – to write your own thoughts and opinions don’t you?
How other people live their lives, how other people parent, how other people cook and eat food, how other people dress, how other people spend their own money, how other people find happiness, who other people sleep with, whether or not people have children, what music other people like, what god or gods they choose to worship (if any at all), what art they like, what people don’t like, or how they choose express themselves and use the tools of the Internet like social media … is generally
NONE
OF
YOUR
ACTUAL
BUSINESS.
Just because someone shares something doesn’t mean they are inviting feedback. If they put something out because they are looking for help or advice or solutions, that’s usually something they might state and even if they don’t, it’s polite to ask before centering yourself in their space and making it your business.
Let people live. Let people enjoy things. Let people use social media in a way that’s best for them. Let people BE.
Not everything is about you.
In fact, most things NEVER are.
