Stop The Cycle

#FirstCoffeeThoughts

I give everyone one chance to show me who they are … and I believe them.

The initial interaction in real life or online tells me everything I need to know about that person’s character and the truth of who they wish to present as.

Anger, negativity, and dysregulation as first encounters are a huge red flag. People who cannot control themselves and feel compelled to always be on the attack are dangerous people who care nothing for others, only themselves.

I make sure to remove that kind of unwell energy from my life because I know the warning signs as they present themselves.

People are not as complex as they would like to think and their weaknesses and negative energy exist only to swallow the light of others because they can no longer see any for themselves.

I blame no one for their trauma but I do blame them for deciding to spread it to others and drag innocent people into their darkness.

No one deserves that and I don’t abide it.

On social media such unwell people are easy to spot within a few sentences and I block them immediately. I have found, here, on Threads, on Bluesky, the first – and majority of – people who end up on my block list are WHITE MALES.

They seem to exist in this perpetual state of anger and ego mixed together that make them feel their opinion and feelings should absolutely be the center of everything someone else does.

They are the first to attack, belittle, mansplain, and play the victim.

It doesn’t matter what I post.

It could be about racism or it could be something about opera or a television show or a video game, white men will always find it absolutely necessary to make it their business to express their negative opinions or their ego based assumptions or just to center themselves in something that is none of their business and easy to scroll away from.

It’s a compulsion they seem to have and I have seen it over and over no matter what the social network or topic.

Women are very rare blocks for me unless they are clearly in some perpetual state of simply being mentally unwell … and some are but again, I don’t blame anyone for their mental illness … but I do believe strongly that your mental illness should never be an excuse to hurt other people or to make other people’s lives miserable simply because you only know misery in yours.

You have choices and one of them should never be to spread your trauma and pain to innocent people.

My parents were traumatized and abused and grew up in times of such pain that it’s easy to understand how they could become such monsters to their children.

They never had access to the resources we have now. They never had a chance to do the exploration of self that many people can nowadays.

It’s understandable but not forgivable.

I have been a victim of other people’s pain, trauma, and unmanaged mental illness for most of my life and I refuse to stand for such irresponsible living.

Can people change? Yes but only under extraordinary circumstances and with the proper support and guidance.

Is it your responsibility to help them change? No it is not. If you love someone it is important to support them, understand them, and do all you can to be a pillar of strength for them …

UNTIL you begin to lose yourself as well and end up causing harm to yourself. UNTIL they take advantage of your presence and use you as a punching bag. UNTIL it becomes clear they will not change.

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲, 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗜𝗘𝗩𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗠.

The only people maybe capable of fooling you into thinking they are “normal” are psychopaths and even then you can see their tells and feel that energy.

Everyone else is showing exactly who they are and what they are capable of as soon as they open their mouth to attack you, use their keyboard to center themselves in your life and belittle your lived experience, or place their ego above your feelings.

That is who they are.

Like the monsters in the old stories I used to read as a child … the only way to take power from them is to turn your back on them. To not acknowledge them. To not give them access to your energy or attention. To starve them of what they crave so much; other people’s pain.

You cannot change these people.

You cannot teach them different ways.

You cannot reach them.

Don’t be fooled into thinking you have some magic wand that can change an entire person’s being.

That is for them to do.

Whatever is wrong with the white men of the world that has brought them so low and into such a desolate and miserable place that they have brought an entire country down with them is FAR BEYOND me to fix and it’s not my place to fix it. This problem is easily GLOBAL and the reasons for it are complicated and layered, but I can tell you this …

They learned this from other people who were not healed. They absorbed this from other angry, broken, traumatized people.

It’s the cycle of abuse.

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲, 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗜𝗘𝗩𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗠 and make sure they do not taint you and traumatize you and make you as angry and as broken as they are … because, much like the zombie apocalypse, that’s how the cycle spreads from person to person.

Anger is viral and social media spreads this disease every second of every day.

You allow it into you every time you get sucked into some nonsense with some stranger or let them run you down or worse, give them the power to anger you.

Epictetus was a slave and a stoic who said: 𝘈𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳.

And he spoke the truth.

Don’t give these unwell people your time, energy, or access to you.

Don’t allow them to bring darkness into your life and smother your light. Don’t let them run you down, anger you, and turn you into someone just like them.

Don’t let the cycle continue. That is something you actually DO have the power to stop.

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙧𝙚, 𝘽𝙀𝙇𝙄𝙀𝙑𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙈.