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Home » Kindness Is Expensive
First Coffee Thoughts

Kindness Is Expensive

Elaine Barlow
Last updated: June 27, 2025 5:25 pm
by: Elaine Barlow
Original Publication Date: April 4, 2024
Reading time: 5 minutes
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Summary

I think only very selfish and privileged people think kindness is effortless and "free" ... and these are often the very same people that rarely have a kind word or time to genuinely assist ANYONE.

First Coffee Thoughts (previously under “Musings” and “CoSo”) are blog versions of my #FirstCoffeeThoughts and #FCT multi-thread posts on CounterSocial. These are here for posterity and also to make them easier for people to read at a later time should they wish to.

#FirstCoffeeThoughts

If I ever needed help, and I certainly have in the past and even recently, I know very well that I’m on my own. There are no friends or family I could turn to for help and I accept that … as painful as it might be. That is just the reality of life, of people … as everyone is doing their best to just survive and take care of themselves and their own loved ones as well. Many don’t have it in them to help others … they don’t have the time, money, physical or even emotional capacity.

It takes A LOT to help others … I mean really help. I don’t mean a kind word or “thoughts and prayers” or good energy … I mean physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically helping others. It is more than just “time and effort” … you have to have it in you to be able to expend that kind of energy to someone … and most people barely have enough for themselves. Having expectations on others for such things is … unfair and unrealistic especially these days.

Time and energy are rare … and I am always deeply appreciative of both of those things when it comes to other people. People are busy. People are struggling. People are barely surviving and hardly living or thriving. Expecting them to have time and energy for anything other than what they need to get through the day just seems … cruel and unfair.

Kindness can be hard … impossible for many … for all kinds of reasons especially from those who don’t even know how to be kind to themselves.

Related Reading >  SelfNESS Will Save the World

So when I say I don’t expect anything from people … I mean that from a realistic sense. There is no way I could. I know how much I struggle day to day and I have the support of my tribemates and my own resilience. Other people have even less than that … why would I expect anything from them? If anything I have more to give in that regard. I have some energy to spare, not every day but some days for sure.

You have to be realistic about the world, about people … that’s not pessimism.

They say it doesn’t cost anything to be kind … but it does actually if you think about it.

Kindness takes energy. Kindness takes effort. Kindness takes resilience. Kindness takes strength. Kindness takes a healthy mind and a healthy soul.

Kindness takes a lot.

Stop saying that it doesn’t cost anything … it does. It costs a lot for many people who barely have enough to spare for themselves.

I think only very selfish and privileged people think kindness is effortless and “free” … and these are often the very same people that rarely have a kind word or the time to genuinely assist ANYONE.

For me it comes down to something simple: 𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣, 𝘿𝙊.

That’s it. Whatever it is, even something small … DO if you can.

If you can and you choose not to … that’s very different.

If you have time, energy, money, emotional reserves to spare, congratulations and good on you.

Related Reading >  Check Your Privilege

Use that to help others when you can. Put it out there to do as much good as you can and put as much positivity into the lives of others … but don’t do so in expectation of getting the same in return …

Don’t do so expecting other people to have the same capability, privilege, or circumstances as you.

TAGGED:check your privilegecosocountersocialfctfirst coffee thoughtshealingkindnessmental healthprivilegesocial mediasocial media post
VIA:Elaine Barlow (@thewebrecluse)

A Note From Elaine

This is my experience, not yours.

I don’t write reviews perse. I write about MY EXPERIENCE with media. If it resembles a review that’s because I’m trying to communicate what media means to ME which has absolutely NOTHING to do with YOU. The existence of my experience doesn’t invalidate yours in any way. If you are triggered by what other people write about art, that is a YOU issue and you should seek help for your emotional dysregulation problem instead of attacking or bullying others for expressing their SUBJECTIVE EXPERIENCE with art. You are not the center. Yours is not the default experience.

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